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fifteen going on sixteen.

Henry D,

Fifteen. My darling boy, how did we get fifteen whole months away from that first day I laid eyes on you? I never imagined we’d be here so quickly–you filling up every day with a crazy kind of newness and excitement we couldn’t have fathomed before you arrived. No, really. How is your 1st birthday three whole months behind us now? It’s so hard to comprehend the pace at which you’re learning, absorbing, connecting, remembering, and changing, but it’s the most incredible thing to witness. If you’ve ever been a sponge, it’s now.

A few months back, we were exchanging words like “mama” and “dada,” “ka-gah” (Kruger), “baw” (ball), “ca!” (car), and the like. Now we’re talking about every animal under the sun, household items, things in nature, cars!, trucks!, tractors!, the beach, your story books, family members, and so much more. Where did you find all of your words, my love? You’re doing an amazing job of keeping up with all of the new things we throw at you on a daily basis. By now, we shouldn’t be surprised when you parrot a word right back us me with careful pronunciation, but your precision somehow takes us aback anyway. I know we’re not giving you enough credit, bug. We keep trying, but then you delight us with something else that’s new and exciting. I am always amazed to watch you, and can’t help but think, “Wow, I get to be his mama!” every time.

So what are you up to these days? Besides teaching us a thing or two about the smarts of a fifteen month old kiddo? Running, for one. Splashing around at the pool and learning how to kick, hold your breath, wade through the water without mom or dad’s hands for balance. Chasing the dog. Sharing opinions about food (and eating mostly everything, anyway. Thank you for that!) Playing games on the iPad and learning how to use your Tag Junior to follow along in a story. Filling in the blanks of a few books that have become your favorites (Hello, memory!) Laughing up a storm and hamming it up for the camera. Reminding me where your elbows are…your nostrils…your knees, and your eyebrows. (You asked, so we told you 😉 Showing your very literal, linear side one minute, then your creative, imaginative side the next. Offering us pretend soup, apples, drinks. Blowing pretend bubbles and gum. Laughing some more. Loving your friends and learning how to play with them (and actually, play with them!)…this is too much fun to watch! Blowing kisses. Snuggling up with the best of them. Sucking your thumb when you’re tired or uncomfortable. Signing words like please, thank you, more, all done, milk, etc. Perfecting the sound effects for anything and everything on wheels. Growing out of all your clothes.

You are one busy and happy boy!

And we are so incredibly thankful. God knew we needed a Henry exactly when we did, and you bring a light into our lives that nothing else could hold a candle to, little man. You are our buddy, our munchkin, our timely blessing. Fifteen months in, we have never loved you more…and it just keeps getting better!

Happy 15 months, Hanker Tank. You are our BIG little boy, and one marvelous little man in the making!

oh-so-gratefully,

your mama

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to blog or…

…not to blog. That sure seems the question lately. In truth, I miss being here, and yet a part of me has felt the need to close off–if only a little. There is just so much sharing that can (or perhaps, should) be done with the world, you know? And sometimes there are seasons when life feels almost wholeheartedly introspective. My life, as it goes, has wandered down this kind of path as of late.

I am not trying to be distant, of course. Nor do I want to avoid one of the things I most emphatically love–putting pen to the page. But I am processing in a different kind of way, mostly as I wander through the farmer’s market and as I drag my toes through the sand at the beach with our little boy. Some days, I find a pinch of time for a cup of coffee, at an outside table, on my own, and then I process a little bit more there. From our front step to the store and back. From our back patio to a play date and then home again. Life has been busy with the things that Summer should be–many of them filling up the cracks and spaces of a previously dormant-ish and sort of gloomy Spring for my soul.

You could say I’ve been attempting to take a little bit of an emotional vacation.

And for the most part, it is working. This is not to say that I don’t want and or need to be honest and open and real with myself or those who love and understand me best. Just simply to reflect that in times, the quiet of saying nothing feels healthier than the loud of saying much. There is a learning curve involved here for a chatterboxy type like yours truly. I am ever-increasingly OK with that.

Now it is nearly July, and I have been making the most of tracking my soon-to-be fourteen month old’s little pitter-pattery foot steps all throughout the little blue house. Oh, have we discovered our freedom–and in it, I have discovered even more and more of a beautiful friend in this petite person who is half me and half my first (and other) love. It is no surprise, really, that we get along so well. I just never imagined exactly how delightful I would find a smallish boy named Henry at this age. He is the sunshiniest joy on most every occasion, and when he isn’t, he teaches me the most important things about loving and patience and perseverance and all of qualities I long and strive to possess as a mom (and person). On a daily basis, we read stacks of books and take lazy strolls to the park and downtown and anywhere we want to go. We explore food, notice every (and I mean, every) flower, absorb the sunshine and splash at the pool. And when we aren’t doing those things we (read: Henry) nap and we (read: mommy) work and pick up and take a short rest and make phone calls and pay bills and cook meals and schedule visits, until we’re ready to engage in more Summer activity and merriment.

Children are the best medicine. Yep, I think this is positively true.

Today we played I Spy in the grocery store, planned party details for a summery, baby soiree, crunched on snow peas and fed food to the dog from our high chair. For the rest of the day, we will likely make easy dinner (because it’s just the two of us tonight) and mosey downtown to watch jugglers and guitarists and possibly bring home a balloon animal. How does life become this, and where do I get more of it?

I haven’t been blogging much because life was feeling inconveniently uncomfortable for a while, and in the midst of that, I gathered up one hundred and one other things to do. Not to be so busy that I would ignore the rest, but just to find joy in the middle of the ache–to make sweet lemonade from sour grapes.

And that is what we are doing. Moving forward. Attempting to fill our days with goodnesses and grace and all the rest that a loving God can offer our lives–even when we hurt and need time for healing. I am finding joy in smaller things that add up to lovely measurements of healthy, daily living. I am hugging my Henry with a good, tight squeeze. I am soaking up the Summertime, for certain, and filling up the empty spaces with words where I can.

today, i can.

mm

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twenty nine year salute.

Tonight feels monumental. Not just because I’m closing in on the eleventh hour before another birthday, but because I’m saying goodbye to an entire decade. When I wake up in the morning, I will be thirty. Thirty. I’ve been rolling that number around in my head for the past week or so, unsure of what to do with it or think of it. Every year, I tell myself that a birthday is really just 24 hours different from the day before it, but there’s something to the marking of another calendar gone by, and I can’t deny it. A lot can happen from June 2nd of one year to the same date in the next.

The past 366 days have run the gamut. Some have gone on without much instance, but certainly not all. My thirtieth year (age 29) has been a roller coaster of grand proportions–incredible highs and heartbreaking lows and everything in between. I can’t say this about every age (and for this, I’m thankful), but 29 has had its impact. I have watched my baby grow from 11 lbs. to 23 since my last birthday. This time one year ago, he was cooing and starting to smile, but still just a peanut of a babe who needed his mama at every turn. I was dizzy with exhaustion, sometimes overwhelmed, and making a career out of nursing. Today, I am chasing a daring toddler all over town. Occasionally I’m still exhausted, and different things overwhelm, but I am sure as Henry’s mama. I know him inside and out. We have learned each other to a beautiful degree, and I am comfortable in my own skin in this arena of my life. I celebrate, with joy, that I’ll enter my thirties as a blossoming mom–the very best thing that happened to me at 29!

With as much delight as I embrace the good that this past year has had to offer (the above, my sister getting married, anticipating becoming an aunt, our 5th anniversary, celebrating ONE!), I mourn deep losses and still seek to process the hard things that have come–unexpected and utterly challenging to my spirit as I’ve crept ever nearer to the turn of this page. In a way, I am thankful to be drawing closed the chapter that contains them, but in some regard, it’s still hard to see it go. When you lose someone who loves you immeasurably–and who you loved the same, days and months and years passing can be hard; you know you’ll never get them back, and time feels like a reminder that they are gone. I’ve never had a birthday without a card or call from Gramma, and I never wanted this day to come, but it’s here. I know that she is near in many ways, and still, it will never be the same…

Then, there are other things that have both wrecked me and made me more resilient, and 29 seems to be a fairly robust vessel for these. I know that God is working in my life to strengthen me for times to come, yet in the moments, this is never perfectly clear to see. As I rapidly approach a significant and new day tomorrow, I am cognizant that I am the sum of my experiences and whatever God will do with them. If this is a blessing (and I know somehow it is), then 29 has been full and productive. A milestone among milestones. A jumping off point for the decade ahead.

I have been straining a little over the past several days to remember myself an entire ten years ago. I know I could pull out old photos or re-read old journals to get a better picture, but the truth is, I’m ok with the fact that 20, 21, 22…are a slight bit hazier than I expected them to be. I have done a lot of growing in my twenties–or rather, God has done an awful lot of growing me, and the person I was ten years ago is not the same. For this I am most thankful. Closing this segment of my life to enter another feels appropriate, and suddenly (if only in the past 24 hours), even welcome. I have been blessed beyond measure and spared beyond reason.

A friend reminded me today that tomorrow, I will become the age that Jesus was when He started His ministry. Surely, that is something to consider–and to consider well. What will God want to do with me at this age that He has not called me to before now? Somehow, the thought that Christ was most impacting in his life on earth at my age? This could be intimidating, but instead it feels encouraging. God knows what we need, when we need it, and I know He will provide!

Tonight, I’m going to wrap up one heck of a year on the couch with a good (I hope) movie, Jason, and a sleeping babe upstairs. Low key, reflective, and kind of the way my last day of 29 feels like it should be. Tomorrow, as every day, is a new beginning. A glimmering sense of hope and anticipation for what is to come. Goodbye twenty-something, and hello Thirty!

for all that You have given, and all that You have taken away. blessed.

mm

turning thirty. and learning more about love every, single day.

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our very hungry caterpillar–party time!

Raising and loving and learning Henry for the past year has been, without a doubt, the most incredible experience this first time mama could have imagined. Needless to say, I approached his 1st birthday with sheer delight. Normal parental reservations about babies growing up aside, I was downright honored to plan a party in celebration of H’s first year–of all that he has brought to our world as a family, of the child he is becoming, and of many friends and loved ones who have helped us to welcome our little man into the fold over the past twelve months. It truly does take a village!

henry david, 28 april 2012.

When I started brainstorming party themes the day after Henry was born (kidding!), landing on Eric Carle’s Very Hungry Caterpillar was kind of a no-brainer. H has been my “bug” from day one, and since being introduced to table food, he just keeps eating right on through everything we put in front of him. (His appetite is marvelous, and his mama, appreciative:) My love of butterflies and the deliciously sunny sunshine in Carle’s book didn’t hurt either–it was the perfect inspiration for Henry’s big day. I commissioned a friend/graphic designer to help create my vision for an invite, and once we had guests on a list, the ball was rolling:

h’s party invite, fixed to chipboard to feel like a page out of the book. corners rounded and cake hole drilled by a local print shop for the finishing touch. these turned out just as i had hoped!

From there, I threw myself into party planning mode–something I absolutely love and long for an excuse to do! On the to do list? Cake, balloons, food/drinks, favors, kids’ games, decorations, and DIYs. I should start by saying that Pinterest and Etsy are brilliant creations, and that they make the process all that much more fun. I browsed and perused to my heart’s content and came up with some originals that made me oh so happy. The cake seemed like a sensible place to begin, so I met with my friend Katie from Second Floor Bakery to dream up these lovelies:

i just had to incorporate the sunshine for henry’s smash cake, and i wanted both cakes to have a homemade, organic kind of feel, so we went with simple swirly buttercream on the outside–a dark “muddy” chocolate for the main cake and a vanilla buttercream for the birthday boy.

I loved the idea of a cake bunting, so I came up my own version to represent the caterpillar from the book. It was fun making the petite bunting out of paper after my fabric bunting shenanigans (read on:) earlier in the week.

very hungry caterpillar cake bunting and gerbera daisies. delightful!

The cakes were splendid on the outside, and equally as marvelous to bite into. I always end up with a little leftover cake from SFB because their portions are so generous, but this time, we actually ran out! No one could resist the chocolate truffle cake with the strawberry filling–and why should they? It was just too good!

For food, I decided to stick with what works and let the book dictate the menu. I didn’t want to get too terribly fancy because everything needed to be kiddo friendly, so I filled the table with all kinds of bright, ripe fruits, a big green salad (one nice green leaf:), cheese and crackers, pickles, chips and salsa, and a caterpillar-ish looking pasta salad. I ordered lemon bars from Second Floor to add a little more “sweet” to the mix, and Jason grilled (awesome) hot dogs for our guests:

on saturday, he ate through…a smorgasbord of treats.

After browsing a number of different printables for food labels for the table, I opted to get creative with a deck of VHC playing cards. I cut out little food shapes from the corresponding cards, used a mini hole punch for the “bites,” and then just hand wrote the labels on card stock table tents. I love how they turned out:

four strawberries!

For space and flow, I set up a separate area for beverages and table ware. The bay window was an ideal spot:

i searched high and low for beverage dispensers i could love (and not just live with). imagine my delight when i discovered these mason jar look-a-likes from world market, plus red, green, and yellow striped paper straws, giant polka dots for ice cubes, and polka dot/striped paper goods. bliss!

I also couldn’t resist a giant tub filled with these:

henry weinhard’s old fashioned sodas, which i neglected to grab a photo of that day. they were just too much to resist, what with the name and all. (photo cred. to Tri-Elite Mktg.)

When it came time to decorate, I couldn’t help but get a little carried away in the DIY project arena. What better excuse than your child’s 1st birthday party to learn how to make a fabric bunting (or three!):

i wanted to make a bunting i could use for the wall above henry’s crib once the party was over, so my color choices were more long term than VHC. there are three total–one for each main doorway and a third for the bay window.

love these fabrics! tutorial to follow soon…

Then I decided I had better take a stab at a party hat to match:

one!

Just a bunting and a party hat, then? As luck would have it, my incredibly talented aunt had hand-painted a heap of Eric Carle characters for an anniversary celebration at the library where she works, and after mentioning our Very Hungry Caterpillar theme a while back, a tube of beautifully artistic bugs arrived on our doorstep. We absolutely had to put the caterpillar and sunshine to use! They were the perfect addition to the party, brightening up the wall above the kids’ play area:

isn’t he something? too cute!

you are my sunshine…

some serious talent–and a seriously fun party decoration! thank you, aunt carol!!

Last but not least on the decorating front, I wanted to pay tribute to beauty of the past twelve months and how much Henry has grown. I gathered up a smattering of my favorite HD moments caught on camera, and plastered the front entryway door with a collage of our little bug:

And then there were favors…

homemade bug jars and (not so homemade) pinwheels for our wee guests. bug jar tutorial coming soon!

every kid needs a bug jar for the summer time!

I had all kinds of fun games and crafts planned for the kids if time and weather permitted, but when we woke up that morning, it looked like this outside:

rainy and 47 degrees for hd’s big day.

So we scrapped the outdoor picnic plans and put the bubbles and caterpillar buckets away for a sunny day. We had so much fun indoors, in fact, that we didn’t even take the time to make these:

a caterpillar bookmark craft for another rainy day, i think!

Hank didn’t seem to notice the weather, and our friends and family were the most gracious of guests as we all spent a few hours in close quarters to celebrate Henry with the utmost enthusiasm. Everyone wrote special messages to the birthday boy in his new copy of the Very Hungry Caterpillar–a perfect memento for a perfect day:

“please leave a note for our bug…”

And when it came time to sing “Happy Birthday” and dive into cake, the guest of honor did a marvelous job of discovering all of the chocolatey goodness to be had beneath layers of sugary frosting:

We wrapped up the afternoon with friends and grandparents and our little wonder–all freshly cleaned up and ready for a nap:

so blessed to be so surrounded…

A few weeks out from H’s birthday bash, I think we’re still in awe of God’s faithfulness to us and of all of the reminders we were given that day. Henry’s first year of life bubbled over with such joy and goodness, and we couldn’t be more blessed as his mom and dad! It was a most perfect day in many ways–an adequate celebration to express what great delight we take in raising our little bug and watching him grow!

ahhh, wonder!

our birthday JOY!

tired birthday boy and his happy mama.

For me, this time around, the love was in the details and everything they intended to celebrate. Happy 1st Birthday, once more, Henry David. you make my heart sing!

love. and a nice green leaf.

mm

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let them eat cake.

Just rifling through the 1,000 photos we’ve gathered from H’s birthday bash and I came across this one. I hadn’t noticed it til now, but I love everything about it. The babe, the cake, the babe covered in cake. His sweet little hands smooshing extra bits of sugary goodness all over his face. The hand of a little friend, reaching in for a taste:

This is what 1st birthday parties are made of. Well, this and a whole bunch of other stuff. Stuff forthcoming…

so glad i wasn’t in charge of the bath that day (thanks, mom!),

mm