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Summer Break is Here! (72)

While two of our three school-aged kiddos wrapped up the year two weeks ago, our oldest finished his year this past Friday. As I scrolled through my IG feed earlier today, with all of the last day of school pics everywhere, I was reminded again just how highly anticipated this time of year can be for everyone. Tonight I definitely feel those same feelings and am eager to live out summer to the fullest. We had family in town this past week, and while we all enjoyed heading down to our beach a few times and exploring an animal park one day in the summer heat, my mind was busy with meal plans and logistics just as much as it was keyed into fun; I don’t know if it registered that summer break had officially arrived. Tonight, I’m thinking about the joy our kiddos shared when I explained that tomorrow morning could be a “jammies morning, ” where they can stay in pjs until some much too late hour. It’s the little things in life, right?

I think I’ve held this summer on a bit of a pedestal in the months leading up to it…I’ve known all this time that the weeks between the end of school and the start of a new school year are what would mark the countdown to baby and this big change coming to all of our lives. Summer in my head was twelve weeks long, but as of tomorrow, there are just ten on the calendar between now and my due date. Ten weeks! It’s still feeling so close and so far away. But summer days always slip by faster than we’d like, don’t they? So I’m anticipating looking back and feeling the same way again when there are eight weeks, four weeks, two weeks to go. The fact that we get to spend these next weeks playing and creating, being outside, heading to the beach, attending camps and creating memories all together again…it’s just so, so good for all of our hearts.

Over the years, I’ve grown accustomed to having all of our kids home for the most part. This past semester (with our oldest back in school full time) was an adjustment for me for sure–for all of us. Now it just feels really natural for him to be here with us, and for our days to stretch out before us with him back in the mix. I’m so thankful for this time as a family before we grow in number and into something new. It’ll be beautiful then, I know, but this is, too.

I hope we can nurture our hearts, minds, bodies and spirits with intention, relaxation, joy and rest over these next weeks and months. I hope that they feel restorative, balanced and well-rounded. I know that I’ll feel bigger and likely more tired as time goes on, so this will be a summer of practicing grace and modeling kindness with each other as we weather the changes together. There are plenty of things to do or accomplish before baby arrives, but hopefully at a peaceful pace that allows room for things to unfold without too much added stress. We’re going to work on being gentle with ourselves, so that we’ve exercised those muscles before we really need them even more in the fall.

Summer is upon us and that is just one of the most hopeful, lovely things! The weather can already attest to the season (goodness, it feels like mid-July out there!) and our hearts are ready for time to refresh. I’m looking forward with so much good in mind!

MM

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Ten Things I’m Learning Right Now. (73)

Last night I shared ten things I know for certain about our littlest babe, and tonight, here’s ten things this pregnancy is teaching or re-teaching me:

  1. God is never done with us. He is always working or willing to work on our hearts to draw us closer to Him. This pregnancy has and is bringing me nearer to Him in a host of ways.
  2. Setting my mind on things above is vital these days. Setting my mind on the end result of this season is as well. I need both to move forward with a positive attitude.
  3. I have learned to surrender more in the past seven months than in so many other seasons of life. I know I’m not in control and never have been, but letting that go to an all-seeing, all-knowing, protective and kind Father is relieving and good.
  4. Pregnancy is holy ground. Life forming inside of me amazes me every single day. I don’t understand why we get to be a part of this miraculous work, but it’s incredibly humbling that we do.
  5. My physical stamina to carry a baby is different at 39 than it was a 29. Maybe this is an obvious statement, but it’s really true that pregnancy changes with age (and number). My body remembers how to do more, but it’s cranky about more, too.
  6. I am looking for wonderment as much now as ever. Admiring creation, sharing it with our children/as a family and taking note of beauty in the world is a life force for me.
  7. I feel so alive to emotion, so aware of all things in nature, so attune to what I need and/or want in my space and life. I am more likely to reject what doesn’t fit into that picture these days…not unkindly, but as a way of protecting who I am and what our baby/family needs. This must be a mama bear type instinct. I consider it a benefit, but also a challenging feature. As an Enneagram 1 with a very strong 9 wing, achieving what I hope for or envision while also trying to ensure the happiness and peace of others is a line to tow. I can see how God is working on me in this area to be the healthiest version of myself that I can be.
  8. Carrying a baby brings me great joy. I am sometimes overwhelmed by the challenges of this task, but I’m never not elated that there is a baby in my belly. My love for all things birth and babies grows stronger with time. I’m so grateful to have the privilege of welcoming life as a doula, and I cherish the fact that I get to welcome life again as a mama, too.
  9. I am getting better at pushing away doubt and fear and turning to prayer. This isn’t always easy, but it seems to grow in me like a muscle. I have asked God to help me with this, and He is sure to answer in His own way and timing. I am learning not to waste as much energy on hard things and to relinquish them to Him instead. I do this very imperfectly and need to remind myself frequently that that’s the direction I’m moving in. It’s totally worth it.
  10. I feel more comfortable in my skin than maybe ever before. It’s not that I never doubt myself, but that I’m growing in embracing who God has created me to be. This feels really good. I want to honor what God intends for me, and to be the best steward I can of all He’s given me. I definitely still have to course correct at times, but the path is getting easier. I hope to be able to model this for our children as they grow. God only does good work, and I don’t ever want to diminish that truth.

In the process of writing this list, I’ve also been reminded that self-reflection is key for me: now and probably always. Being honest could be a superpower if I hone it the right way. I hope I will.

Grateful for these truths and for this life and for these days of counting down–it’s all such a gift.

MM

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Ten Things I Know About You. (74)

Sweet Little Honeybee,

I’m learning you better as time goes on. I can’t wait to know you face to face, but for now, here are ten things I’ve learned about you thus far as I’ve carried you these past seven months:

  1. You love music and the sound of your littlest brother’s voice. Whenever I sing to you or he talks to my belly, you move around and interact, bringing us both great joy.
  2. You respond to water, and based on how you move, I think you like it. I’ll be so interested to see if water relaxes you when you’re here in the world.
  3. You like to sit low in my belly. I’ve never had a baby settle in quite this way. You sure seem cozy there and I hope you are.
  4. God gave me a dream about you before I knew you were already growing. He’s given at least four friends a dream or a word about you since I became pregnant, too. God is so, so kind in this way, and the encouragement gives me such hope about your unique place in this world.
  5. Every time I think about a space for you, I imagine it as airy and light and warm. I expect this will suit who you are, and your peaceful nature will be a gift to all who know you.
  6. You are our seventh baby, but our fourth here on earth. You will always be a redemptive spot in our lives…a way that God is healing and has healed places in our hearts and brought lightness to our spirits.
  7. Your siblings are going to dote on you in a beautiful way. I’ve been watching them with your baby cousin for the past few days and they will care for you in a way that will likely bring me to tears. There’s so much love for you among them.
  8. Somehow you feel like a first baby all over again. I think because it’s been nearly five years since I had your brother, this season of carrying you gives me fresh eyes again as I experience pregnancy. It’s a beautiful feeling to walk along this journey as a seasoned mom, but with new lessons for the taking at every turn.
  9. You are long awaited and anticipated. Please always know that you are wanted and loved, and that you belong here in our family.
  10. God knew you before he created you. Before you were in my womb, He set you apart. You will always, always be His treasured child, and as much as we love you and will always love you, He loves you even more.

It is a great privilege to take part in bringing you into the world, little one. I love you so,

Mama

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In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning. (76)

Little one,

I remember so clearly how I used to rock your oldest brother near the dormer window in our old house in the summertime. The birds were waking up, long before the rest of the world, and I’d imagine all of the other mamas in other places, nursing and rocking their babies to sleep at the same time, too. There was something sacred enough about that space that it’s still perfectly fresh in my memory a decade later. And I’m thinking about it now because it’s late and the hour feels small, and because I eagerly await the early mornings when I’ll have the chance to nurse and rock you back to sleep in just the same way.

So many things change over time, and so many things stay the same. Your brother is now ten and almost as tall as I am–if I tried to rock him in the rocker these days he’d laugh and probably fall out of my lap for lack of space (if he let me try it at all). Back then he depended on me for everything he needed, and these days he makes his own breakfast and lunch and cuddles up next to me on the couch so we can finish long stories in books he then pours over on his own. He’s becoming independent, which is right and good, but his reliance on me in those first months or years of life was so right and good, too. I have great hope to recreate those kinds of memories afresh with you.

It’s been almost five years now since I had a newborn to tend to in the middle of the night, and even though I remember it plain as day, it feels like it’s been a very long time. I’m a decade older (and maybe wiser?), but in a sense it’s like we’re beginning again in this phase of pregnancy, with the newborn stage on the horizon. Having you and your siblings spread so widely in age is becoming an unexpected gift in and of itself. I can’t wait to see your growth and development through their eyes. I can’t wait to watch them get to know you and love you in their own ways. Seeing them now as they look at other babies…there’s just something really beautiful about the anticipation of it for everyone here.

We’re so eager to meet you, honeybee. And while that day still feels far away, this countdown to you is diminishing quickly, too. Before then, we’ll keep praying over you and making space for you here. You are already so much a part of this family and who we are, and it’s just one of the sweetest parts of this whole miracle to get to watch your siblings witness it, too.

Love you so, sweet babe.

Mama

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Today in Haiku(s). (79)

Always more to do / Errands with the kids in tow / Nesting in full force

Eighty degrees plus / Third summertime pregnancy / Blast the car A/C

Appetite is strange / Nothing sounds good so I eat / Food to check a box

Naptime after lunch / Mom sleeps while the littles play / Not so little now

Work meeting outside / Vitamin D for days, please / New projects to start

School pickup once more / Tomorrow summer arrives / Half day, then freedom

Still feeling dizzy / “Drink lots of water and rest” / Not my pace at all

Family time at night / Two more chapters of rabbits / Adventure awaits!

Long after bedtime / The littlest still dances / “Let’s keep Mom awake!” 🙂

MM