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sunday night gratitude. (55)

Here we are at 55 days from our estimated target on the calendar and celebrating 32 weeks. Baby is doing a good job baking, and I’m incredibly grateful for it. Every week that goes by makes me thankful…one more week of development, one more week closer to meeting the Button, one more week that God has blessed me with a healthy pregnancy. Things are starting to move and shake in the house, too, which gets me excited. We’re making progress one step at a time, but soon, the nursery will officially be a nursery, the crib will be up, bookshelves mounted, furniture painted, artwork and photos on the walls. We’ve been waiting all this time, and now I know we’ll blink and suddenly things will feel ready.

The birth of baby no. 2 for our family grows more and more tangible as all of the mamas due in close proximity to me are winding down their last pregnant days. Soon, we’ll all have sweet little bundles to carry around town, or to snuggle as we sit on couches and share stories while the other little ones play. There is so much joy in motherhood and so much that’s hard–it is the most beautiful thing to me to have amazing mama friends to journey with along the way.

Tonight as we drove down our block, one such friend was walking with another as we passed by, sweet babes in tow. I did a double take as my dear friend from across the state stood there, smiling and waving–a little gift in my Sunday evening and a lovely way to end the weekend. H and I hopped out of the car, exchanged hugs, celebrated all of our kiddos mingling together on the sidewalk at the end of the day. God always knows when to pour a little extra sunshine into our lives, and even little moments like this one are a great blessing to my expectant heart.

This week, I’m going to be on the look out for the unexpected–watching with fresh eyes to see what God will do in the midst of this waiting/planning/growing season. He is always showing up and surprising us, if we’re open to it. Here I am, God! Ready to find you wherever I can, and grateful for your constant presence in our lives.

glad for the journey,

mm

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limitations. (56)

As I type this, Jason is quite generously going to the grocery store on my behalf. The past few days have been full, full, full, and every time I head to the fridge to prep a meal, I have to get a little more creative. Avoiding the grocery store is a beautiful thing, so long as your toddler isn’t disappointed three days in a row because there’s no yogurt, no bananas for with breakfast. Someone was going to have to cave and go eventually, and I just presumed it’d be me, because it’s kind of my thing to handle edible procurements around here. I have no problem being in charge of the kitchen. I like to cook, and I get great satisfaction out of shopping sales and using coupons to whittle down the bill. It’s just that I can’t come up with a whole lot I enjoy less than going to the grocery store seven+ months pregnant. I am so thankful to J that I’m sitting in the living room right now instead of gearing up for a late night run to stock the fridge.

A definite struggle for me this pregnancy has been the fact that I have to slow down way more than I’d like to concede. I’m not sure I can chalk it up to much else besides chasing a toddler around, which I’ve never had to do while pregnant before. It’s a totally different kind of physically taxing activity, and I’m convinced that the emotionally taxing portion of parenting has ramped up as of late around here as well. You know I adore Henry. But I do not adore being blatantly ignored or flat out being told “No!” by my two year old a dozen or more times a day. Like any other parent, I don’t particularly enjoy coming up with new and creative ways to discipline at every turn, and the truth is, I just lack a certain level of patient energy to try. But you can’t just skip out on the hard parts of parenting when you’re pregnant (as so many of us undoubtedly wish we could). I feel like it’s almost more important to stick to my guns with the munchkin these days, so that there’s still a clearly established order and system to things when the baby comes.

So the reality is, life is getting trickier to manage from a capacity standpoint as my midsection stretches to capacity, too. There’s just a heap of challenging or stressful things that have taken up more space in my brain, heart and spirit than I thought I had room for right now. But God permits us what we can handle–no more, no less. So the lesson here is that I must be able to hang in there through all of the outlying stress factors that present themselves without a sense of reprieve. This will be one of those seasons I look back on fondly and remember as a time of incredible growth, I’m certain.

Most likely, I just need to do a better job of recognizing my current limitations and embracing them as much as possible. After all, the cause and end result are worth a few months of slowing down my pace. There are things coming up that I need and want energy for, and I’m trusting that God will provide all I require in those moments. He always does. In the meantime, as we wait and prep over these next eight-ish weeks, I’m going to do my best to be patient. To be a good and attentive wife and mom. To prepare a space for our baby that does this heart a world of good as it evolves. And to continue to strive to create peace and order in the little blue house while much of life changes and swirls around us.

Some things are definite, even in the midst of this sort of unknown chapter. And the definite things are good and true and life giving, so they’re probably the most important in the long run anyway. I will cling to those. I will also avoid the grocery store whenever possible–especially late on a Saturday night, or with a small person in tow. Thank goodness for partners in crime to do life with…and to do the grocery shopping 😉 How would we manage otherwise?

slowing down for good cause,

mm

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birth certificates. (57)

I unearthed my original hospital birth certificate tonight while going through desk drawers in our guest room. I’m not sure why it ended up there to begin with, but I suppose it was with like items and it probably made sense to me at the time.

I have two reflections regarding this discovery:

1) I had really, really tiny feet. And I bet they were cute. All baby feet are cute. If you don’t think so, well, bah humbug. You must be fraternizing with the person who once told me that all babies are born ugly. C’mon now. They’re all beautiful to someone. And most are cute only shortly after they unwrinkle a little bit and have a chance to stretch out for a few hours. Clearly this person hadn’t had a child of his own. I hope he never tells a date the same thing. He may remain childless that way. 😉 Kidding. Mostly.

2, and more importantly) Our new baby will have a birth certificate of his or her very own in approximately eight weeks. And if it’s a boy, said birth certificate might stay blank for awhile. Maybe it’s because we already used the one name we were very set on for Henry, I’m not sure. But we can’t seem to land on a name. This perplexes me and also kind of makes me a little nutty. I’m just being honest. I know we’ll come up with something we love, but I’d feel better if we knew what that name was now. If we have a little girl, she’s good to go. Why is this baby naming thing so tricky sometimes?

Time will tell on both fronts…Boy or girl? Name or no name? If you don’t have a name for your baby, do they let you leave the hospital anyway? I don’t think we’d let it get that far, but I am curious. How long can you go without a name?

don’t worry little button. we’ll land on something amazing for you. we might have to meet you first, but it’ll be the best name we could ever pick for our littlest munchkin. i promise.

contemplating the teeniest of feet (and feeling them, too),

mm

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try it again thursday. (58)

You remember Wonderful Wednesday, right? Well, I think it’s safe to say we’ve enjoyed a good 60% (maybe more) of our Wonderful Wednesdays to date–you know, because days with a toddler can be sort of roller coaster-ish, and sometimes there are factors out of our control. Or both. Yesterday was one of those I’d throw into the bottom 40%. It isn’t that we weren’t all trying to make the day great, but it seemed to be fighting against us. You just can’t force a day to be wonderful, even if you give it your all. Sometimes I live in an idyllic and somewhat unrealistic world. Not often. But sometimes.

So today when we woke up, I declared it “Try It Again Thursday.” You know, because you can’t just have Weird Wednesday and let Wonderful Wednesday go that easily. Or at least I can’t. I just wanted to give us a chance at a fresh start and felt like a do-over might be in order. Outside factors aside, our attempt at trying again was a relative success.

I’m in fairly crazy nesting mode as of late, and I’m wanting so badly to make progress on things around here so that we’re all feeling really ready for baby when he or she comes. The clock is ticking, and I’m afraid I’m not moving as quickly as the calendar. I keep telling myself that even if nothing else is done and baby arrives, we’ll all be just fine–but deep down, my heart longs to be perfectly prepared. The past few weeks have thrown me some curve balls, to be sure. Things have transpired that have shaken my foundation about this birth a little bit, and I’m working hard to combat those. In part, my efforts to create a beautiful nursery and carry out a vision for the space we’re preparing help me to feel like I can control some pieces of how we welcome the Button into our lives. I feel like we ushered Henry into the world so peacefully, and I just want the same thing for our second–the same security and grace and gentleness that I believe our birth process provided for our family as we met little H for the first time.

I’m processing this because we’ve spent a good portion of yesterday and today on the hunt for the perfect dresser for baby. I’ve been looking for a few weeks, and despite most other things going awry yesterday, the one thing that did pan out was me finding a piece I absolutely loved. I took a few photos, jotted down measurements, and had it held overnight so I could consult with the powers that be and play with room arrangements in the nursery. This morning, I woke up settled that the dresser was the exact right thing for baby’s space, and I was excited. So we went back to pay and make it ours. I brought my trusty two year old shopping companion, my mother-in-law, and a 20% off coupon along.

The coupon was fairly key. It was going to save me a bundle. And apparently, it expired yesterday. “Are you kidding me?” I kept thinking, but we went back anyway. I know the owner of the store and I thought it wasn’t too big an ask to see if she’d accommodate, since I really needed to go home and measure last night before making my “All Sales Final. No refunds,” purchase. I went in confidently and with high hopes, but to no avail. Not only was there no wiggle room, but I was told that I could not contact the person who had redone the dresser (despite her card and contact info being attached to it), nor would the store contact her on my behalf to see if she’d honor the coupon. Now, I’m not a very unreasonable shopper (I don’t think), and I’m trying to make sensible choices for this new space in our home. No matter how much I love something, I’m not going to break the bank on it. As such, and being sold on the piece, I went in fairly certain we could work something out. I guess I was wrong.

I’ve not had such challenging customer service (or a lack thereof, really) in a long time. There wasn’t an ounce of budging to be had, and there was no way I could justify the full price for the dresser. (I realize I should have looked closer at the coupon, but who ends a discount on the 26th of the month, anyway? I had foolishly presumed it was good thru the end of the month.) And the bummer is that my mother-in-law was planning to buy a piece from the store as well, so two major purchases walked out of that store today unmade. It felt like a bad deal for all involved.

It’s a good thing Try It Again Thursday had already been declared. My nesting mama heart was a bit downtrodden as I gave up my latest vision for baby’s room. I know…a dresser isn’t exactly a life or death situation, but it had bought me a little peace, taking one good step forward towards progress. And here we were again, jumping backwards when the clock is not slowing down. So I clung to my Try It Again motto as best as possible. It’s conceivable it had to drag me along for a few hours while I pulled myself up by my big girl boot straps. And I got downright determined to settle the dresser task once and for all.

Tonight, I feel like a restored furniture shopping warrior. And Henry and my mother-in-law should, too. If I had a nickel for every refurbished piece of furniture we looked at today, I wouldn’t need a coupon to go back and buy that stinkin’ dresser. But on principle, it was too late, regardless. People should just be nicer, I say. And this particular business owner was not friendly–not at all. So our dollars moved elsewhere. I like voting with my dollar. It makes me feel like I can control a little bit of how things go in the material world.

The dresser-hunting saga ends here, gladly. But I think the actual dresser that solved my problem will have to wait for another post. I’ll just say that having a Try It Again attitude served us all well today…over major purchases for two of us, over lunch decisions, over spirits and hearts as we met interesting challenges all day long, over silly little dressers.

I’m feeling like the little blue engine again tonight–just plugging along and making it up over the hill towards my destination with renewed determination. There will be peace in this house and peace in that sweet little room and peace at this forthcoming birth. I think I can…I think I can…

tired, but resolved.

mm

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stuff my two year old says :) (59)

So we have a fairly mobile baby. And by mobile, I guess I mean acrobatic. And super-charged with gusto. Most of the time I love it, and sometimes it really hurts. But who can complain about signs of life in a belly? Not this girl.

Tonight I’m sitting on the couch across the room from Henry when little brother or sister decides to begin his/her nightly gymnastics routine. I always love letting Henry feel the baby as it tumbles…somehow I figure it probably helps him to process what’s happening. At any rate, his reaction to baby’s activity tonight was priceless. Upon seeing the little one move and hearing me say something about assuming it was the baby’s bottom, Henry exclaimed, “That little baby has a big butt!”

I can’t help but crack a smile.

H is in for a surprise when everything about this baby comes out tiny. I mean, as tiny as Henry’s predecessor in birth could be…hopefully no larger than our 9 Lb. munchkin. I think it’s endearing that Henry seems to understand completely that a whole little person is tucked inside my belly these days. I know I’m growing like a weed, but still…I have to think it through myself sometimes. A whole human being is hanging out in there! Kids are the best for taking things at face value and not questioning their practicality.

Baby Button, you are in for a treat having HD as your big brother. He’s going to love you like crazy, and protect you just as much, no doubt. Don’t be offended about the butt comment, ok? He thinks you’re the greatest, and he’ll certainly get his facts straight once you’ve joined our little family out in the world.

love you. love your silly brother.

mama