MollyMadonna.com

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on nesting. (87)

Every other day, I feel like I’m in 100% nesting mode. On the off days, I couldn’t be bothered with it. I think this must be my subconscious attempt to balance what is coming and what is already here. There are days when I just want (and need) to be present with Henry. Today was one of those. He accompanied me on morning errands, and then we went to the pool for lunch and some early afternoon swim time. It was slightly on the cool side today, but with pool temps pushing 84 degrees, there was no convincing HD that we should be anywhere else but paddling around in the water. There is a remarkable change in him from last year to now–he is suddenly daring and desiring independence as he makes his way into the “deep” end without fear. Nowadays, the fear is all on me (and especially as I think about keeping up with him as this pregnancy moves along all summer). Nevertheless, it was fun to realize just how much he is coming into his own, and how much he is a boy and no longer a baby. I miss that part of him sometimes, but then I remember that we’re about to jump back on the baby train again, and it’s ok. I think on days like today I can fully embrace H’s boyhood and growing up.

God’s timing is perfect, and nothing phases Him like it does us. I quickly find greater peace when I remember this.

So…nesting. Nesting vs. summertime fun and running around with munchkin #1–this is going to be one of my greatest challenges for the next twelve weeks. I do appreciate that there’s a deadline of sorts. We know that what’s not done come mid-August may likely stay as is until mid-winter, when baby has settled into life here and we’ve settled into life with baby. (And maybe longer than that.) This is exactly why I’m trying to prioritize things in my head without overcommitting my heart to them. Life is constantly in flux, and we never know what might come our way. Could be that all lines up according to plan. Could be that baby gets here early and we manage completely with everything as is (not willing it to happen this way, but I’m telling myself that we would work it all out and be fine if it did). Could be that there are just too many glorious days this summer to count, and we end up spending them as a family by the pool. I mean, really. What is H going to remember best, anyway?

I am still learning so much about balance and figuring things out as we go. Tonight, for example, I’ve debated vacuuming several times. But then there was the blog (and my commitment to it), and there’s also the fact that this mama spent the afternoon keeping up with a two year old in the pool and bed sounds much better. Balance. Since I work tomorrow, vacuuming is getting the shove to another day’s to-do list. And bed beckons. Can’t help it. Gotta have energy for the tasks at hand…plus nesting, when life permits. 😉

thankful for the time with my sweet boy today, even if it involved a maternity swim suit 🙂

mm

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let’s make a deal–a note to the Button. (88)

Well, little one, 88 days to go and, if my mama instinct proves faithful, actually a bit less than that. I’m speaking it into our lives that you’ll be here pre-August 25…and based on your brother’s history, I think it’s a fair hunch. That, and since we’re talking the end of August here and the heat of Summer, I’m also just giving us both pep talks as encouragement. You can come anytime after August 12th, ok? I’m throwing that date out there simply because being too early would prove complicated for you, and no mama wants to watch her little one struggle in any way. Bake until your done, sweet Button. I promise I’m ok with it.

Since we’re having a little chat though, and because you’re taking up residence with me for the next few months, I’d love to suggest a few items of note that might make your stay (ok, my experience with your stay) a bit more pleasant. Before I begin, let me just say you’re doing a great job growing. 😉 And grow you must, little babe. At somewhere around 2 lbs. and 14ish inches long, give or take, you have a little ways to go before you’d be ready to face the world with your own devices. I do think we should arrange a meeting, though–you, me, and the belly, just to agree upon the pace with which we’re all stretching out. It seems that you and my stomach disagree a bit on this issue…that and my rib cage and abdominal wall and mid-back. Somehow, this temporary vessel did not get the memo; I feel like I’m about to burst! I know this isn’t the case, as I remember your brother’s tenancy well and have seen the pictures. But, still. A little give and take would go a long way on either end. Change at the same speed would be incredible. I can hardly eat a meal without regret this week.

No hard feelings though, tiny person. I totally understand that life is preparing me now for what we’ll share together come late Summer…shorter nights with wake-ups interspersed, lots of shuffling and juggling and adjusting until we’re all somewhat comfortable, only to have something change. Our evenings together now are certainly a good way to practice patience and slow breathing and dying to self, so thank you for exercising those spiritual and mental muscles in advance. 🙂

I love you like crazy already, and none of this maddening dance we’ll do for the next 12 weeks could change that. It’s a mixed blessing, you know. Your movement, while highly challenging at times, is–more often than not, amazingly affirming. Your growing strength and determination remind me of another small person I love with all of my heart, and that part feels simply perfect to me.

like brother like sibling. like mama like baby. determined, resilient, often stubborn, and humbly trying to find your way in the world. nothing wrong with that, my dear. nothing at all.

full up and making room for more 😉

your mama

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matters of the heart. (89)

There are lots of heart matters on my mind tonight. The wedding yesterday, a tear-jerking moment with H earlier this evening, a day later this week to celebrate a friend’s upcoming nuptials, and of course, prepping our hearts and home here for the Button’s arrival. There are others, too, but those four should make for an already lengthy post, so…I’ll stick to my outline. 😉

Above all else that happened today, I walked into to living room just before dinner to a most sacred moment. Henry (who I’d left playing cars on the couch minutes before) had climbed up into a big chair and was sitting, all by himself, and praying aloud. I am absolutely certain that I don’t get everything right as a mom, but this moment–this perfect and precious and remember-it-always moment, was a difference maker for me. To see the heart of Christ working in our tiny little man is the most beautiful thing–and so affirming! I’m afraid my walking in sort of interrupted H’s conversation, but I did catch the last few bits…”Thank you for my feet, and thank you for my pants, and for my clothes…” When I asked him what he was doing, he said, “I’m praying!” Be still my heart. Then I asked him what he’d been praying about and he said, “Daddy, and the baby, and Mo…and YOU!” Oh, my. To think of our little one lifting up his dad and mama in his own way moves me greatly, but to realize that Henry is joining us in prayer for his unborn sibling…it might just be too much for this emotional and expectant mama to handle! Baby Button, when you read this someday, I want you to know just how much your big brother has loved you from the very beginning. He has been thanking God for you daily with us, and also without solicitation. You two are woven together in a marvelous way! I can’t wait to get to know your heart, too, just as I am learning your brother’s. What an amazing gift as your mom!

Not sure how to transition from there, but…in other news, I’m getting excited to spend some time with a dear old (as in, long-lasting, but not aged 🙂 friend as we celebrate a most beautiful season in her life. She’s getting married this August, and while we’ll quite sadly miss the wedding (it’s 9ish hours away and two weeks from my due date), I’ve had the privilege of walking this wedding journey with her for the past few years, and it’s a lovely one. Our day of showering and surrounding Miss Emily with good things has been a shining spot on the calendar for some time now–I’m so glad it’s almost here! As a bonus, the pampering elements of the day will guide me gracefully into my 32nd year on the eve of my 31st birthday. Just a little icing on the cake, if you ask me! Oh, girl time and delightful food and a beautiful city in the Summer and pedicures and my precious, elegant, remarkable friend. Bliss!

And of course, on the subject of weddings, I promised a little recap of last night’s affair. To begin, it was the loveliest representation of a pure and Godly and genuine couple we’ve been blessed to see grow together in love over time. Everything about the celebration–from the worship and fellowship to the location and decor and attire, was perfectly suited to them. It was a delight to be a tiny part of their day. As they said their vows in the spring sunshine overlooking Lake Michigan, the atmosphere was one of sheer joy. It will be awesome to watch and see what God will do in and through them as they make a powerful force for the Kingdom together.

Every little detail of the wedding and reception was sweet and intentional. Personal touches made the evening feel cozy and family-centered…from the adorable handwritten signs to the picnic blankets and lawn games for playing and mingling post-ceremony, right down to the tea and coffee cups we were all invited to take home at the party’s end…each aspect felt like an extension of the happy couple–just as a wedding celebration should be! A few of my favorite elements and moments from the night:

the altar and bench where mr. and mrs. washed each others' (and their respective parents' feet) during the ceremony. beautiful.

the altar and bench where mr. and mrs. washed each others’ (and their respective parents’ feet) during the ceremony. beautiful.

a mom's gotta have a few tricks up her sleeve to keep a two year old quite at length. ;)

a mom’s gotta have a few tricks up her sleeve to keep a two year old quiet at length. 😉

two handsome boys and a classy getaway car.

two handsome boys and a classy getaway car.

snacks, drinks, and an impeccable view.

snacks, drinks, and an impeccable view.

someone had a ball ;)

someone had a ball 😉

it's party time!

it’s party time!

can't get enough of his sparkling apple cider.

can’t get enough of his sparkling apple cider.

learning to shuffle with mama. love.

learning to shuffle with mama. love.

family shenanigans by the lake.

family shenanigans by the lake.

sunset backdrop.

sunset backdrop.

all good things must come to an end, hmmm, h? not an easy lesson to learn when you're two and having a blast.

all good things must come to an end, hmmm, h? not an easy lesson to learn when you’re two and having a blast.

Looking around here this weekend, it was so wonderful to have extra time as a family, to get a few more items checked off the list, and to have great little interactions and moments together. We prepped for the Button in a few simple ways, with conversations woven in about bigger changes that will take place over the next few weeks (moving us to our new room to make space for baby, putting together the crib that arrived (!) Thursday, organizing more baby books and toys and clothes to fill drawers and shelves in the nursery, and tackling as many projects as we’re able before life gets busier with two kiddos in tow). I might have overdone it this weekend, but it’s only out of joy and anticipation that my motivation helped carry me away. Today has been a lighter lifting day, and J has worked hard to stop me from causing myself more trouble. This means he also has a bit more on his plate, and while I feel guilty about that, I’m looking forward to working together to strike a healthy balance through the summer months. The accountability is good–and necessary when I want to see so much accomplished. Slow and steady wins the race from here, I think.

needless to say, my heart is full–and my mind is busy, busy! so thankful to God for all of the beauty He allowed into our lives this weekend. best “weekend time!” i can remember in a while.

happily,

mm

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mama offering. (90)

Well, “weekend time” continues, and I couldn’t be more grateful for an extra day home as a family. Weekends never feel quite long enough, and tomorrow will be a beautiful bonus! We attended an absolutely lovely wedding tonight, and while the party is still going strong as I type, we had to get the munchkin home to bed. He cried and put on his best pouty lip as we left the party, lamenting, “I don’t want to leave the wedding!” I didn’t either…it was a grand celebration! More on the delightful details tomorrow…

Tonight, as I come to terms again with my limitations as a mama with a growing belly (gardening yesterday, dancing while holding H tonight, and in general, trying to keep up with the active demands of a toddler), I just want to focus on the beauty of this season. I do feel more limited, certainly, and I hate telling Henry no sometimes now when he wants me to pick him up, but I am also so taken by the gift of being pregnant, and I desperately desire to glorify God in all of my efforts to carry and love this blooming baby. These days, I have so many incredible mama friends who are raising toddlers and toting newborns, or who are raising toddlers and growing soon-t0-be newborns. It’s an awe-inspiring stage of life. And at times it’s overwhelming, too (although mostly in a good way :). So I’m feeling compelled to offer up a prayer. For all of the mamas who are coming to terms with their own motherhood tonight–in whatever way it applies. Some will be up in the wee hours nursing or cuddling a newborn. Others will be tossing and turning while they navigate growing bellies and changing bodies. Some will be wishing they could hold babies closer while their little ones are far away tonight, and still some will be praying for a baby of their own and clinging to hope for the future. Whatever the case may be, I know that God sees each one of us, and He hears our requests. He plans out His timing and knows what we can handle and all that we need. And he meets us right where we are. His promises are full and generous to our mama hearts…

Father, thank you for another day where you have sustained me and allowed me the gift of carrying this precious life within. Thank you for the blessing of sweet (although often painful:) kicks and constant movement. Thank you that you have created my body to be capable of this amazing miracle!

Thank you, too, God, for using my past experience and my great, deep desire and pain to remind me why this is a most sacred season. Thank you for never letting our hurts go to waste, and for covering me in your love and peace. Your timing is perfect, God, and you knew that I would be carrying this wee one today–in this time and place, for your plans to be fulfilled for this blessing of a baby when he or she is born. Please help me to follow your lead, God, and together as a family, please help us to raise this life to know and love and serve you.

As the day winds down, Father, there are physical reminders of why I can’t do this without your help. Things ache and stretch and require more energy, and I don’t have all of the answers for how to do this on my own. Henry is a busy little person–but you knew that he would be when you entrusted him to us. If I am going to keep up and be engaged and love him in the ways he so desires to be loved right now, I know I need to lean on you for help. Please show me how to love him best, and please help me to fully embrace even the hard parts of carrying this baby as the months roll on. Please give me a spirit of grace and joy and patience toward my children, my family. I can’t do it alone, but I can with You.

Father, as mamas, we all deal with things in the day to day that make our hearts heavy or tired. Sometimes the weight of our burdens is light, but sometimes it can be so very heavy. No matter the weight tonight, would you please guide me–and all of the amazing mamas in my life–to your peace, regardless of the circumstance. Would you wrap your arms especially tightly around those we know who are experiencing deep pain and loss? Will you meet them where they are and display your presence in unmistakable ways?

God, I love you, and I’m so incredibly grateful that you have entrusted little, impressionable lives to my care. Being a mama is the most humbling and amazing gift, and I can’t believe how much more I’ve learned about you as I’ve tried to be attentive to this call on my life. I pray that I will glorify you in the process. Thank you for loving me enough to trust me with your creation.

more of you, and less of me…especially when there’s increasingly more of me these days, and i need so much to trust in your presence and care. love,

mm

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goodbye, second tri. (91)

Well, it’s official. 27 weeks tomorrow and headed into my third trimester with the Button. I would say I can hardly believe it, except this kiddo is on the move and I am feeling every kick, punch, jab, twist, and turn. Simply put, he or she is growing at a crazy pace, so it’s a good thing we’re in countdown territory. 91 days is still a ways to go, but saying “third trimester” is certainly a wakeup call. No wonder I’ve been roaming around the house and seeing things I want to accomplish left and right! If this little one is like his or her brother, we’re down to 12 weeks. Amazing.

We spent the morning picking up a few extra flats of flowers–along with some potting and top soil, and then got to work once little man was down for his nap after lunch. Four hours later, the planters and window boxes are filled afresh with new blossoms, our new edging in the front is nearly complete, the grass is cut, and between us, we managed to keep H occupied while we dug, tilled, plotted, and planted. Nothing a little red wagon, ball and glove, bubbles, a toy mower, cozy coupe police car, earth worms, grubs, a rock collection, watering can, and “new” ride-on toy tractor can’t manage. Whew! It’s a wonder that we still had a bounding ball of energy running around the house just shy of 10pm. I’d like to know where I sign up for his power nap extravaganzas!

I’m feeling it tonight after moving plants and dirt and bending at the waist 1,000 times this afternoon, but now that the initial ache has worn off, I’m mostly celebrating that hard earned tired feeling you can only get from working in the sun and breeze all day long. I LOVE the Springtime! And I love how the front of the house is shaping up 🙂 No doubt we’ll be back at it again tomorrow mid-day, just before we head out to celebrate beautiful friends at their lakeside wedding.

Did I mention that we found those happy little flowers I posted about a few days back? I’ve been on the hunt to find more of them, and lo and behold, three tiny little containers sat waiting for me at the farmer’s market this morning. Now we have cheery pink Marguerite Daisies in the planters out front, and I am craving more of them to sprinkle elsewhere in the yard. Such sweet little flowers!

Ready to call it a night tonight–except for the Hulu date I have with the Mr. before bed. Sooo…it’s off to laugh a little on the couch before turning in and closing the door on my second trimester. I will miss it. Indeed. Although I’m hopeful to hang on to this energy and general feeling of wellness for as long as I can manage. Another 12ish weeks, perhaps?!

three cheers for progress!

mm

P.S. H is 25 months old today. While the monthly updates were a delight to record, now that Hank’s reached two, I feel like this daily challenge (with threads of H woven in) are equally if not even more fun. SO…H, when you read this someday, I didn’t forget about your month-day this time around. Just acknowledging all of your growing up and the fact that you probably won’t want to read about yourself in quite the same way for endless months going forward. You are the apple of my eye, little man. Never doubt it! You, and this precious babe growing with fervor in my belly. Love you both, more than blog posts could ever say…