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Time and Space. (11)

The loveliest thing about this time of waiting for baby (and waiting for baby in the summer) is that as the days keep going by, our schedules and commitments continue to decrease. Because of how I’m feeling these days, I’m canceling a lot of what was planned in exchange for time at home and the ability to take it slow, and I don’t hate it at all.

In spite of almost no schedule, today filled up plenty with work to-dos and a few other things that I was glad to be able to fit into Monday. There were some unexpected, wonderful parts of the day that made it seem just right to still be waiting, and my heart and mind have been peaceful over that in a way that feels restful and restorative. I’m so grateful.

There’s a summer storm brewing as I write and I Iove it. Soaking up bits of summertime and August are good for the soul. My contractions are less intense tonight, and I’ll embrace the break. Soon enough they’ll be consistent and strong, and baby will be making his or her way here. For now, his or her being tucked away means a little more time to snuggle our other kiddos, pile onto the couch to read a book to them, give everyone haircuts and talk with our eldest until it’s way past his bedtime. Dinners are simple these days (or maybe all days in summertime?), outings are few, and this time we all have together is offering sweet new memories and challenging moments in good measure.

As an aside: Yesterday I had all of the laundry done except for one item that ended up in the wash right after I’d turned on the machine. THAT is worth documenting here because it only happens on a very rare occasion (and did it even happen if no one was there to see it?) It was a small victory on a day when I needed all of the small victories I could claim.

Time and space. They are sweetly available as of late, but on their own terms. Today I’m feeling good about that and wanted to note it, because it’s always fleeting in the end. And now, bedtime. Sleep is also fleeting, and I’m going to soak up as much of it as I can!

MM

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If I Only Wrote in Friends Episodes. (24)

The One where Mom Needs a Nap. The One where the Neighborhood Chases Geese. The One with Emotions Running High. The One where the Dryer is Haunted. The One with the Half-hearted Dinner Plan.

The One where the Nursery Still Looks Like a Blank Slate. The One with No Bending Over. The One with the Zoom Call. The One where the Children Argue Over a Blanket. The One where Bedtime Doesn’t Mean Anything to Anyone. The One when Normal Chores Turn into All Day Endeavors. The One with the Negligent Facebook Marketplace User.

The One with the Useless Pregnancy Pillow. The One where Monica Mom Organizes all the Clothes Bins. The One with the Heat Wave. The One No One Wants to Talk About.

The One where There are Still No Clean Baby Clothes. The One with All the Lists. The One where the Middle of the Night Becomes Sacred. The One with the Sunrise that Says it’s All Going to be OK.

The One where Mom and Deep Cleaning Anything are on a Break. The One with the Minor Freak Out Session. The One with the Stepped on LEGO. The One where the Artwork is Still Not on the Wall Two Years Later.

The One with the Snack Plate Lunch. The One with All the Homeschool Planning. The One with the Drama. The One with the Drama, Part 2. The One with 24 Days Left on the Countdown. The One when Mom Thinks About Packing a Hospital Bag. The One with the Dancing Belly.

The One where I Sign Off for Today,

MM

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Naming Names. (37)

If I were to make lists of the things that are most helpful and least helpful in this season, it would probably be both a cathartic exercise and a good memory to look back on later. Not that I’d ever make such lists or name names like that, but you know, if I did, the “most helpful” list would likely look something like this:

Most Helpful Things When 8+ Months Pregnant for the 4th Time:

-Extra rest. I’m not sure where to find it, but goodness, a nap is a necessary boost some days

-Children who are willing to do a reasonable amount of chores for their ages, and who are aware of their footprint on a space. This might forever be a work in progress, but…onward

-Someone else doing the hard-to-reach dishes

-A grabber so that attempted bending can be avoided

-A rented wardrobe for the last five weeks of pregnancy, since just a few things fit over my belly by now

-Freedom to set aside any other chores or responsibilities and *only* work on baby/nesting related tasks around the house

-One last room painted before the baby arrives because I’m not to be trusted on a ladder at this stage

-A personal chef (this probably applies to all seasons of life, not just the very pregnant ones)

-Time, time, time, time, time

-Ample amounts of gratitude for and savoring of where we are, from all parties, because this season is sweet and short-lived, and I for one sure am going to miss it when it’s gone (even though I can’t wait to meet this babe)

That’s ten, so I’ll stop there. This is by no means an exhaustive list, nor is it meant to be a rant or anything like it. Honesty just feels good, and someday when I’m far from my pregnant days, I also want to remember what this felt like and what other pregnant mamas in my proximity might need or wish for as they grow their babies, too.

MM

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Livin’ on a Prayer. (50)

If I haven’t titled post #50 in a 100 day countdown, “Livin’ on a Prayer” before now, I’m really not sure why. That seems like low hanging fruit, right? It’s so accurate for where things are right now on multiple levels. I don’t know for fact that I’m halfway through the last 100 days to baby, but if I were a betting pregnant woman…

I decided this week that I’m reclaiming summer after a slow start out the gate for our crew. Today is July 1st (would be my grandparents 71st anniversary, today, FWIW), and the start of July plus 50 or so days to baby feels like the right time to be celebratory and intentional and to put a stake in the ground. Summer, commence! I want to do all of the summertime things we can possibly enjoy without driving ourselves to the brink of exhaustion or turning it into a to-do list instead of a fun pursuit.

This morning, we got up and took ourselves to the beach about a half hour away. I knew a rocky beach would add extra entertainment vs. the sandy beaches we usually frequent, and my instinct proved profitable. Between the gazillion rocks to stack, carry, build with, move, and collect, the awesome tide pools left by days of rain and water filling in from the lake, and the family of similarly-aged kiddos who built dams and channel systems with our crew, we had a solid two hours of whine-free playtime in my happiest place. It was windy, but the sun was shining and the sky was blue, I managed to read a few chapters of a fiction book due back soon to the library, and it FELT LIKE SUMMER, Amen! We all needed it. We’ll need more of it. And we’re going after it. 50 days or so to live life to the full with our three while this baby swims around tucked inside…it’ll be balm to all of our souls if we can sprinkle these kinds of memories throughout the next number of weeks. You can bet we’ll try!

If I didn’t feel so compelled to make it count, I know we could spend the entire summer this way: sleep-in mornings for the kids, stacks of books piling up in the living room–blankets and pillows and cozy straight on through lunchtime, and me wandering around the house trying to make progress on a million little things I could just go crazy over until it’s too late to tackle any of them any more. The sun would shine and the days would be the temperature we all dream about the whole rest of the year, and we’d miss it all as it went by outside the front door. I’m all about some cozy, sleep-in mornings in summertime, but the reward is pretty great for pursuing the mini-adventure, too. This week, I’m so grateful for three days so far of getting up and out and onto something a bit distanced from home. We’ve all benefitted from the change of scenery and the re-discovery that there’s a world out there waiting for us to soak it in. And while I’m experiencing some kind of second wind wave of energy this pregnancy that I didn’t really expect would come, you can bet I want to capitalize on the gift that it is to be out living life with our kiddos. Grace, really. It’s all grace. And I’m beyond thankful for it and feeling healthier because of it.

Here’s to “half way there” and all of the prayers it takes to keep moving forward. The joy of the Lord really is our strength!

MM

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11 p.m. (58)

Two of three children are still

wide awake,

a fourth making rounds inside

the roundness of my belly.

Tonight, a woman I do not know

remarked, “Your baby is going to be

huge.”

“This is my fourth. They’ve all been big,” I smiled.

As if my saying so would ease

her tension, not mine.

I did not go on to mention

the other three–

How, big or small, this baby

growing is a dream. How many

days and nights I’ve prayed,

“God, protect this life

you’re creating.” How, miracle of miracles,

the fullness of this belly

is hope in something

much bigger than my frame could contain.

MM