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new views (and avenues). (35)

I never imagined I’d say this, but I’m homeschooling Henry this fall. Not only that…I’m actually excited about it.

I don’t know why I didn’t consider homeschool an option for so long; I think I’ve just not seen myself as one who would enjoy teaching my own children in a more structured way…until now. I also grew up in a time (or area, maybe?) when/where homeschooling had a negative stigma attached to it, and I didn’t like the idea of fitting into the unfavorable stereotype I’d built up in my mind.

Fast forward to this past spring, when I started thinking through the dynamics of our fall season, with twice-daily commutes to Henry’s school (20ish minutes away), baby arriving just after the start of the school year, and Henry out of the house for the majority of the day, Monday to Friday. There were pieces of our family puzzle that weren’t fitting together well, and these three realities were among them.

Making the choice to teach Henry at home for his kindergarten year was not one we took lightly. We spent weeks (months, actually) talking through possible options, and I talked with many friends who are in the midst of homeschooling themselves, looked through various curricula and materials, corresponded with Henry’s current school at the time, and prayed for clarity and peace over such a big decision.

It took a good while for me to arrive at that place of peace. Now that I’m there though, I feel like this is the exact right thing for Henry (and for all of us) as we look to the start of the school year again.

This kid. Such a bright spot in our lives and growing so fast. Kindergarten!

This kid. Such a bright spot in our lives and growing so fast. Kindergarten!

My approach to the idea of homeschooling was, at first, to panic a little inside about all of the options and how to choose the exact right plan and the exact right tools. How was I going to homeschool if I didn’t know where to begin? I’ve learned quickly though, that what works best in my case is to actually just begin, period—letting pieces fall into place more organically as we think about kindergarten, and considering what kids need most at the age of five and at this stage in Henry’s education.

I’m excited that his learning in the upcoming year will be focused on exploration, quality time spent in his areas of interest, and intentional focus on a few subjects that will prepare him for his academic years to come. I’m also thrilled that this direction allows us to preserve what feels like a more balanced pace as a family. As we all adjust to becoming a crew of five, and as we spend mornings learning together at home, I’m looking forward to days when the kids can learn together through play while still cozy in pajamas. I’m craving the times when we sit, curled up on the couch, diving into stories together for an hour or two. The idea truly brings me joy.

The thought of not shuffling a new baby in and out of the cold for daily drop offs and pick ups in the coming months is also a settling one. It feels right to be choosing our own pace at this juncture as we learn to navigate life and family in new ways.

There’s plenty more I could share about this journey for us, and I likely will as it unfolds. We’ve been able to build in some wonderful connection points for Henry already, and while our weeks will look different than a traditional kindergarten path, he will not lack for activities or stimulation or social interaction with peers on any level. He’ll even have Spanish in the mix, which was something I was really sad about missing in the transition from his immersion program. Things are falling into place.

I love that we’re able to blend the interests of our entire family together in this decision, and I’m eager to learn and to grow in my capacities as a mom, while adding the role of teacher more officially to my plate. More to come!

sharpening pencils for the annual bouquet,

mm

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a time for every purpose. (36)

Even thought it’s still quite warm outside, change is in the air. The college campus nearby is starting to buzz, the school supply section at Target is hopping, and last hurrah vacations interspersed with “first day of” pictures are blowing up every social media feed. It’s not yet September, but schools are in session, with more joining the ranks every few days.

As with so many mamas, I’m not yet ready to relinquish summer. There’s too much left of the sunshine, summer temps, pool days and popsicles to give it all up before Labor Day. And I think I’m hanging on particularly hard this time, as I know that saying goodbye to another summer season means saying goodbye to some other sweetnesses, too.

Summer blooms from the farmer's market. We'll miss these, too.

Summer blooms from the farmer’s market. We’re gonna miss them when they’re gone.

By the same token, fall arriving means some pretty great developments for our family, and it’s not a bad trade off to swap the long, hot days we love so much for the shorter, crisper ones we’ll enjoy as we stroll with baby in tow and warm lattes in hand. I don’t mind that thought a bit.

You feel like you’re so far away from something and then suddenly it’s stretching out right before you. This always amazes me about life and time and the big things we anticipate as we go along.

Today marks 35 weeks on the baby count, leaving five or so to go before we meet the highly anticipated little “bean.” If he or she is consistent with Henry and Eloise, we’re looking at closer to four weeks and not five, which doesn’t bother me at all. I hope that we’re snuggling the babe within the month.

I am feeling more and more like I could burst, and looking more and more like it, too. It’s not an unsightly bump (though none of them are). It’s just a significant protrusion from my short frame, and one that’s challenging my back and my balance to a large degree by now. Slow and steady from here on out–both with baby and with the days of summer I don’t want to kiss goodbye. I love this season where we live, and I love this season in our lives, too (even if I forget that in a painful moment here or there).

35 weeks marks a whole lot of good in these past (almost) nine months, with more on the horizon. I hope that I can honor the days, the sunshine, and this sweet time left with our two kiddos before the summer and this countdown run out of steam.

to everything, turn, turn,

mm

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say cheese. (37)

When I was pregnant with Eloise, my body stopped tolerating dairy. If I had any at all, I got a migraine headache that would not quit. It was painful to eliminate it from my diet, but I stopped eating it as soon as I made the connection, and the headaches stopped, too. After birth, I was able to have it again without the headaches coming on, yet it took us nearly six months to realize that Eloise had a dairy allergy herself. The poor girl had been miserable for so long at that point, and my renewed dairy consumption was the culprit. I felt awful about it. Her first six months of life were truly hard on us all.

Saying goodbye to dairy cold turkey for a second time was no fun, but not nearly as bad as watching our babe struggle through tummy issues and insomnia night after night, month after month. I only wish we’d cracked the code far sooner.

Three years later, Eloise is still dairy free. I’ve been eating in solidarity with her from the time we discovered her allergy, and we’ve both benefitted from a lack of dairy in our lives.

Nothing like a little raspberry sorbet to make your day!

Nothing like a little DF raspberry sorbet (and that smile) to make your day!

This time around, pregnancy has been surprising in many ways, but one of the things that gets me the most is the crazy number of times I’ve craved dairy. A total 180 from my last experience, I was really hesitant to give in to the craving at first. I thought I might get sick like before, and I hated the idea of eating it when Eloise can’t. Being the DF duo in the house has worked out just fine for a long time, but not now.

This morning, I snuck a piece of cheese in the kitchen so Eloise wouldn’t see me eat it. She notices everything, and I can’t blame her. The other night at dinner she asked if other little girls could have dairy, and answering that question was actually really hard for me. I hate for her to feel left out, and I don’t want to leave her hanging on the DF front.

There’s something different about this baby though, and he or she wants cheese. What’s a mama to do?

Hesitant to begin feeling the repercussions of dairy again myself, I’ve eased into the notion that maybe baby needs something that only dairy can offer. High fat? Some protein I wouldn’t find elsewhere? I can’t bring myself to jump back into regular milk and yogurt and such, but cheese and ice cream (hello, toasty summer!) have become a completely different story.

Baby #3 keeps my on my toes in so many ways, and is largely a big mystery to me. My desire for dairy is just another one of those things to chalk up to pregnancy and to realize will likely shift again once baby is here. I keep telling myself it’s to afford us another strong, healthy kiddo like the other two have been. I pray that’s exactly the case.

It’s been a tad hard to shed guilt each time Jason and I have ice cream from our favorite local spot after the kids are in bed, or after I’ve tucked a slice of cheese under other things on my plate when I’m sitting down next to Eloise at the table. But I’m going against all previous wisdom and bowing to the whim of my pregnant body–the one that’s capable of knowing what this baby needs and communicating that clearly.

I’m not binge eating ice cream or downing gallons of milk at bedtime, but I’ll admit cheese feels a little like an old friend, and I haven’t hated craving it a little here and there. It’s nice to have pregnancy take me in the direction of a food craving this time around, instead of another food aversion. So far, dairy, coffee and eggs have made their way onto the “aversions that stick post-pregnancy” list. I wouldn’t be all too excited about adding anything new to the off limits column.

Cheese is a beautiful thing in moderation, my friends. And if it’s good enough for baby in these last weeks of pregnancy, it’s good enough for me, too 😉

86ing dairy free mama status around here (for just a little while anyway),

mm

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tuesday gratitude. (38)

I’ve been sitting alone outside in half sunshine, half shade for the past four hours, which is just about as blissful as it could be. Life doesn’t always feel like it’s so spacious, but for this afternoon it does, and I’m thankful. Between yesterday and today, I’m recognizing God’s graciousness toward me in the way He provides time. Again. It’s easy to forget that He is so good to us.

If I don’t make time or seek it out, my hours can slip away to the unimportant and the insignificant. But I don’t want to waste them, and I’m trying to become a better and better steward. I’m learning that this is both a practice and a habit. Though I’m improving at it, I have a long way to go.

While yesterday was about recalibrating, today is about grounding. Grounding myself in Truth with a capital T and claiming things over my life and my family and this growing baby that I want and need to believe are possible and true. I’ve been living too passively in this area for a while, but I know it can be different. Better. Incredibly good.

Today is a new day and a new place to start.

I’m so grateful in these hours for the summer breeze, and for a quiet spot to sit without interruption. I’m grateful for this belly growing bigger, and for our kiddos who fill my days with laughter and new perspective and simple joy.

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I’m grateful for whoever this baby is and is becoming, and for who he or she will be in our family as our lives create even more space for this addition in the days and weeks to come.

I’m grateful for Jason and the way God made us friends as well as partners. That we can laugh at the end of the day, and that even though we might forget in the midst of life circumstances sometimes, we’re on the same team. I’m grateful that God gave us each other to refine and strengthen and celebrate who we are, both independently and together.

I’m grateful for the simple things. For air in my lungs, for waking up each morning, for food in the refrigerator and for clean clothes on our bodies. For books to read, friends to visit, a house to keep in order, a safe place to sleep at the end of the day.

I need to practice gratitude as habitually and purposefully as I practice other things. It makes a world of difference in the condition of my heart.

making space because it’s necessary, and because it heals from the inside, out. better for this day,

mm

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strolling through Monday. (39)

Recalibrating. Mondays are for this, and more so all of the time. I think recalibrating is going to become my Monday “thing.”

I like a good, slow, unplanned Monday. I like it even more when it follows a packed out weekend, and when it just so happens that there is nary an item on the calendar. These days are rare, but I will take them. Having no agenda allows me to be the mom I hope to be to our kiddos–not shuffling them around from place to place, no tedious errands, no whining in the car and back seat pull-up changes and a lack of adequate snacks making the whole crew (myself included) cranky.

Just pajamas. Pajamas and slow breakfast and windows open to a cool and welcome breeze. Playtime at everyone’s leisure. Impromptu ballet lessons in the living room (you should see my moves when I’m this round with baby, trust me). Imaginations running wild and bags packed for vacations to Disney World and camping trips and adventures up the mountain. We take things slow, and everyone is happier.

Truth be told, I have to fight the instinct within me to get out and do something. To be productive in some way. To be out in the world. Arguably, this slower kind of day lends itself to a different type of productivity altogether–happiness instead of rushing, laughter instead of squabbles. We all get to be in our own skin, and I love that.

Not all of today was without stress or challenges, but our recalibrating pace on this perfectly sunny and temperate Monday was telling as I look to fall and cooler temps and life with a new baby in tow. I pushed Eloise in the stroller and Henry rode his bike as we took an impromptu walk to the coffee shop this afternoon. We had no timeframe, really, and no plans. Just a simple, “should we go left to the park or right to get lattes?” and lattes won the vote. Disclaimer: Lattes in kiddo terms are just warmed up almond milk with a little honey, sans caffeine around here. We read a story cozied up in the booth together, shared a cookie, sipped our drinks and made our way back home.

babes and lattes.

babes and lattes.

I can do this kind of Monday thing.

So much of life in these past months has felt like it was about getting through to the next big thing…the next event, the next obligation, the next deadline, the next planned out task. Not so today. Today felt like it was about settling into the reality that baby is now the next big thing. THE big thing. The thing I think my heart has been trying to get to through so much else. I love, love, loved celebrating Eloise this weekend, but her birthday has been the milestone in my mind for the longest time. The date by which I’ve measured time to the kids for as long as they’ve known there was a baby in my belly. “Baby will come after Eloise’s birthday!”

Somehow, “after Eloise’s birthday” has arrived. We’re not quite ready for baby yet, but we’re getting close. And baby’s not quite ready for us yet, but I’ll know when that changes and we’re on our way to becoming five officially. It’s soon. It’s not a distant reality at all anymore. All the more reason to have these recalibrating Mondays for as long as we can, allowing the natural rhythms of our days play out and leaving space for whatever is to come.

We need recalibrating every once in a while. I could probably stand to do it again tomorrow. The laughter emanating from these walls today and the simple delights of things like “lattes” and strolling and hitting baseballs in the backyard were exactly what our crew needed to face the week with rested bodies and more open hearts.

a content crew.

a content crew.

aiming for a peaceful night tonight so tomorrow is a bright day, too,

mm