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ground work.

Planted. Rooted. Grounded. These words keep pushing up through brown, ruddy earth in the deep, deep parts of me. God is ever faithful to join us in tilling plots of land He’s offered up.

Three weeks ago today, I could not push rawness down. I could not see past packing and last feedings with our littlest and arrangements around the house to make things easier while I’d be gone. I waded through fears (irrational and founded), folded clothing into piles, checked off lists. I’d been out of the practice of doing, for anything outside of family and children and home, for a long, long time.

All of this–the worry and the adrenaline and the vulnerability of things was messy, but crazy-encouraging. Whenever God is up to something big, I feel it. I sense it in the opposition and the emotion, the irrational moments and the over-thinking and the way I’m suddenly a battle ground for good. When Aslan is on the move, everything in the air changes. Just as in this season, with the November sky beckoning winter and the last cascading leaves turned to gold, the whole earth waits and so do I. God was going to make a move, and soon. I just had to get on the plane.

I love what happens next, because it’s so gigantic and beautiful that I can’t possibly contain it in a blog post, although I’ll try. My dear friend and I arrived in South Carolina for four days of breathing God in and breathing Him out at Allume–a conference and experience He’d been edging into our lives graciously for months. We sat under the teaching of wise, wise women and men, gleaning from their obedience and desire to bring forth light in the world through Truth. We met beautiful soul after beautiful soul–all women with the same longing in their hearts to know God and make Him known through communication and the written word. We worshipped all day long, gained inspiration, got to know each other far more deeply, and opened ourselves up to what God would have for both of us–not just in that weekend but in the days to come.

Three weeks later, it’s the first time I’ve written about it because I’ve been processing so much good and wanting not to miss one bit of what God is doing within. Because I want to share it well with you. Because I believe the things that God is doing are Kingdom things. Big things. Life changing, community changing, heart changing things.

I was feeling a little washed up before all of this. I’d not done a very good job of giving God my first fruits for a long time. I’d not been a very good steward in so many areas, catching myself up on just a few I thought were most important…at the expense of much. Despite my efforts to be open, welcoming, invitational, honest and real, my interactions have lacked a dimension I long for–one I think we all do.

I’m not getting down on myself for missing a boat or wasting time, although I could. What I am doing is putting a stake in the ground as God promised He’d show me when 2014 began. In the days and weeks ahead, I’ll be unpacking Allume and the nuggets of wisdom I gained that feel so important to share with you. I hope you’ll be along for the journey, and patient with me while I lean into God and listen. I think the changes to come are worth the process.

love to you, my faithful friends. God has big plans for us…so big we can hardly imagine!

mm

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making room.

Give God an inch and He’ll take I mile, I tell ya. Man, He’s good like that. Seven months after purchasing our tickets, my dear friend Lindsey and I are attending Allume this weekend in Greenville, South Carolina. I’d be lying if I said we just hopped on planes and landed here without a hitch, but I like the real story better, anyway. Getting to Allume wasn’t half a day’s journey, or even a seven month journey. For me, I think it’s a nearly-five-hundred-blog-posts-later journey that God put me on far before I knew Allume existed. And in the past few months, everything He’s done in my heart has been about making room and creating space for Him to do His work in me.

His work in me. Isn’t it crazy that we serve a God who is willing enough and attentive enough to ask us to make room in our own, very small, very humble little lives, for Him?

If tonight is any indication, my world is going to be rocked a bit this weekend, and I’m going to jump out of my comfort zone on purpose with the intent of praying hard, listening harder and writing like I mean it.

God put Allume on our hearts and a little bug in my ear about getting back–truly back–to the thing He created me to do, and then He made a way for us to be here. All I really did was whisper, “Yes, please.” I do love it when God takes a mile 😉

lighter already,

mm

 

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four weeks.

Whoops! This didn’t publish as planned when I wrote it. 🙁  A few days late, but the sentiment is the same…

There is just SO much to say as we reach this little milestone of four weeks with our sweet baby girl. I realize I haven’t even formally introduced her here yet, but it’s not for lack of intention, I promise! I’m writing tonight after days of wanting to record every sweet thing about our new babe–the thing is, each time I set out to write, there’s a need to attend to here. As much as I want to be recording precious memories for my kiddos to someday hold dear, I’m busy being mama to them right now (as I know any parent totally understands). This newborn season is so fleeting. And our toddler is very much a toddler. Both have different needs for time and energy at the moment that no blog could. When triaging the day, I’m so sad to say that writing rarely makes the cut for now.

As “the Button” nears her one month birthday this week, I’m plotting out her birth story post and excited to begin telling her tale a bit more in the days ahead. She is, as any child, a most perfect gift from The Lord–and although I may not say it as often as I’d like in a blog post, we are certainly celebrating her presence daily.

This has been a beautiful and most difficult season of parenting for me…learning a new baby while desiring to give my best to our first born is a tireless and, at times, overwhelming task. But I wouldn’t change it for anything. I am in love with both kiddos for new reasons every day. And I’m gleaning new tricks of the trade and levels of patience as I go–things that will undoubtedly come in handy in the days ahead!

I can hardly believe four weeks have gone by…in a whirlwind of visitors, cluster feeding growth spurts, a bout of illness, and a grand attempt at getting to know our little leading lady. In three days, when a month rolls around, I may be moved to tears at the thought that it’s already come and gone. For so long we anticipated her arrival, and now, we blink and she’s changing right before our eyes!

so much to be grateful for as I type, one handed, from my phone tonight. it’s a glorious thing to have so much love and so little sleep all at once 😉 happy “four weeks,” eloise!

xo,
mm

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baby boom. (25)

So I’ve never known what’s it’s like to be called a baby boomer (we’ve left that up to our parents’ generation thus far), but I have a feeling that there’s something in the water, and that we’re likely to have a similar moniker when our children are of child bearing age. Maybe it’s one of those “if you drive a blue Jeep, you see blue Jeeps everywhere” kinds of scenarios, but I feel like over half of the families I know right now are having babies. And not just over the next six to nine months, but right now.  This month, next month–sometime before autumn arrives.

Facebook is exploding with birth announcements and cute, scrunchy new faces and beaming parents…and it’s only a matter of time before our timelines are doing the same as well. (I dislike Facebook in some ways, but I will say it’s good for keeping up on the bigger moments of peoples’ lives, at least:). There’s a lot of celebrating going on, a lot of new person naming, a ton of photography and video being captured, and many women literally pushing through the summer as they grow their families. I am thankful to be among them.

All of this baby having begs a few questions though, and they’ve been racking up in my mind over the past few weeks. How many of us will have chosen similar names for our kiddos? How much influence does the UK have on our own pop culture: will George be the new #1 name in the US, or in our area, after 2013 wraps up? Why, if every other woman I see is pregnant around here, do we not have better options for maternity apparel within a 20 mile radius? How many of us will be filing into the hospital on the same day, at the same time, to birth our babes? Should we start a club or something? 😉

Silly ramblings, I know, but it’s true that this baby craze is too abundant to ignore. There are new little ones everywhere! I’m not sure whether it’s our age, our town, whatever the weather was doing back in Oct/Nov/Dec of last year, but babies kind of rule the land at the moment. It’s fun to be in good company.

This post marks the three quarter point of my 100 day blogging adventure for the Button, and admittedly, it has been a harder commitment to keep this time around. It’s not because I don’t want to do it, or because it matters any less to me than the first time I took it on–it’s just that our days are more full than ever, and at the end of them, I’m running on E before I get to the computer. That being said, I hope our wee one will see this as an act of love, and that he or she will know even more how deeply I already cherish the life that is brewing within. 24 countdown days to go before we start counting up–we’ll see when baby decides to declare the finish line!

until then…blogging away,

mm

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a lesson. (40)

Dear Button (will you find it strange one day that I used to call you that?),

Here’s a little nugget of wisdom from your mama’s heart: sometimes, enough is enough and too much is too much. And when that happens, it’s ok if little things fall to the wayside for a moment while you pick yourself back up. This blog post is a perfect example.

I was trying awfully hard yesterday to push through a long, challenging number of hours, and before bed, I wanted terribly to fulfill my commitment to you by writing here. I sat down with my computer when it was already quite late, and I began to type. I think I attempted this for an hour or so, nodding off a dozen times and trying fervently to get back to the page. Unfortunately, the day had had already taxed me to the max. I never did get the post off and running well. I kind of let myself down, to be honest, but I know in the grand scheme that you’ll understand. I should have gone to bed and rested well so that I could take the best care of you possible. I’m sorry for that.

The past few days have been so interesting–a blend of the joy I have in carrying you and the sheer exhaustion of pregnancy, mixed with really hot days and the temper of a toddler flaring all around me. And there’s the to do list of course, and the way that your crib came out of the box damaged on Sunday, and your daddy’s thesis bearing down on him, and your grammy trying to move to town this week. Projects. Deadlines. An extra day at work. Life is just feeling SO full. I’m not complaining (or not trying to) little one. Just recognizing that the deck is stacked in favor of me being a little extra run down this week–acknowledging, too, that your mama needs a Savior on this day as much as any other. Thank goodness for Christ and the knowledge of Him–for the Holy Spirit and the presence of otherworldly peace when on this side of Heaven, it could easily feel like there was little to spare.

I guess all I’m saying to you, dear baby, is that you can’t possibly lean on your own strength or circumstances at all times. Hardly ever, really, if you want to live in the joy that God has for you in this earthly life. I pray that you will grow to press in deeply to God. That your roots will be firmly planted in Truth, and that your first inclination will be to fix your eyes on Christ. Never mind any deadlines or pressure, ingratitude or attitudes that surround you. Just keep pressing into what you know…that you are Loved, Loved, Loved beyond understanding, and that God created you to shine His light in the world regardless of your daily circumstances.

I’m going to head into this day making my best effort to shine, despite feeling a bit dim in my heart. The God of the Universe can fill in the gaps for me today. I trust He will, if I ask Him.

you are 40 days away or so, sweet button. i can’t hardly stand the beauty of all that, no matter what else is coloring the moment. keep doing an amazing job growing! my belly says that you’re making a really good effort 😉

love you always.

your mama