I’m an accessories kind of girl. Scarves, earrings, bags, you name it. I could shop for them regularly and rarely tire of coming up with new and creative ways to employ the ones I own. I’ve given myself limits on purchasing, of course–no more scarves or earrings, in fact, unless they’re traded, gifted, crafted or loaned. And although I’ve gone through my closet time and again in an effort to pare down my collection, I’ll toss tops, pants or even shoes to avoid eliminating one, beautifully woven scarf. Thing is, nearly all of the accessories in my wardrobe have memories attached. They’ve been given to me by special people, or picked up in colorful markets around the world as I’ve traveled. They’re souvenirs, masquerading as everyday items I depend on for warmth or cheer or to “tie it all together” on a not-so-together morning. At the risk of sounding entirely trivial, I have always felt a little more “Molly” with them, and a little less “Molly” without. Until now.
In the past number of weeks, as I’ve swapped things out of my wardrobe for other, more practical (read: long, loose, comfortable, appropriate for my new shape) items, I’ve also realized I’m far less dependent on the accessories I’ve grown so accustomed to wearing. It’s not because I couldn’t use a splash of color in my life every day, or because the bright green and gold, India-inspired earrings I acquired this Spring aren’t among my favorites…I think it’s because I’m just too busy celebrating the life forming beneath my skin. I look in the mirror each morning (and now, each night before bed), to admire the life-change taking place, right before my eyes. And sometimes nowadays, I consider a scarf, but put it back; I’d just rather be able to look down and see the most tangible evidence I currently have of the sweet, sweet baby I can’t wait to meet. Far less trivial than the latest bag or necklace I can’t pass up, I’m swapping adornments for adoration, finally feeling comfortable in my own form and embracing my inability to button up my favorite pair of jeans.
It’s fair to say that there have been days when my image of self has gotten lost in needing to look or be something–pulled together, coordinated, classy, thin, trendy, beautiful. And of course with time and age, and certainly with a better understanding of who God is in my life and who He has created me to be, I have outgrown some of those needs. To be perfectly honest, I’ve also held on to a few of them.
As with most things, growing and maturing do not mean that we become perfect (or comfortably imperfect) overnight. In this life, I will never be everything I strive to be, and I’m grateful for that. I don’t ever want to believe that I’ve “arrived” while the rest of the world around me carries on learning and experiencing grace. I do, however, want to take the snippets and pieces of each season I’m granted and make the most of them. Like this one, for example.
I want to remember, long after this baby is born and growing and grown, that I have been comfortable in my own skin. I want to remember it on the days when my inclination is to accessorize in order to cover something up, instead of just for the sake of fun or fashion. I want to love the extra pounds on the scale because they indicate a healthy, developing baby on the way. I want to glow, not just because I’m pregnant or put make-up on in the morning, but because I see the beauty in things as God created them–the people and places around me, and my own reflection in the mirror.
I’m grateful to be in the midst of this growing season, and for so many more reasons than I could have once imagined. I love the way that, as much as this baby needs my body to carry it, I need to be carrying this baby. It is the greatest, most treasured, most memorable “look” I’ve ever worn, and possibly the most important lesson in self image I needed to learn. It’s totally not about me at all, and I love that. Baby K is the best accessory I could ask for, woven together and coloring up my life like a million perfect scarves at my fingertips every morning.
adorned (and adoring),