Dear Button (will you find it strange one day that I used to call you that?),
Here’s a little nugget of wisdom from your mama’s heart: sometimes, enough is enough and too much is too much. And when that happens, it’s ok if little things fall to the wayside for a moment while you pick yourself back up. This blog post is a perfect example.
I was trying awfully hard yesterday to push through a long, challenging number of hours, and before bed, I wanted terribly to fulfill my commitment to you by writing here. I sat down with my computer when it was already quite late, and I began to type. I think I attempted this for an hour or so, nodding off a dozen times and trying fervently to get back to the page. Unfortunately, the day had had already taxed me to the max. I never did get the post off and running well. I kind of let myself down, to be honest, but I know in the grand scheme that you’ll understand. I should have gone to bed and rested well so that I could take the best care of you possible. I’m sorry for that.
The past few days have been so interesting–a blend of the joy I have in carrying you and the sheer exhaustion of pregnancy, mixed with really hot days and the temper of a toddler flaring all around me. And there’s the to do list of course, and the way that your crib came out of the box damaged on Sunday, and your daddy’s thesis bearing down on him, and your grammy trying to move to town this week. Projects. Deadlines. An extra day at work. Life is just feeling SO full. I’m not complaining (or not trying to) little one. Just recognizing that the deck is stacked in favor of me being a little extra run down this week–acknowledging, too, that your mama needs a Savior on this day as much as any other. Thank goodness for Christ and the knowledge of Him–for the Holy Spirit and the presence of otherworldly peace when on this side of Heaven, it could easily feel like there was little to spare.
I guess all I’m saying to you, dear baby, is that you can’t possibly lean on your own strength or circumstances at all times. Hardly ever, really, if you want to live in the joy that God has for you in this earthly life. I pray that you will grow to press in deeply to God. That your roots will be firmly planted in Truth, and that your first inclination will be to fix your eyes on Christ. Never mind any deadlines or pressure, ingratitude or attitudes that surround you. Just keep pressing into what you know…that you are Loved, Loved, Loved beyond understanding, and that God created you to shine His light in the world regardless of your daily circumstances.
I’m going to head into this day making my best effort to shine, despite feeling a bit dim in my heart. The God of the Universe can fill in the gaps for me today. I trust He will, if I ask Him.
you are 40 days away or so, sweet button. i can’t hardly stand the beauty of all that, no matter what else is coloring the moment. keep doing an amazing job growing! my belly says that you’re making a really good effort 😉
love you always.